Temptation Island, but Seriously No Means No

The Chicago Tribune reports that actor Henry Ian Cusick, better known as Desmond from Lost, is being sued along with ABC by a woman who claims she was sexually harassed, then fired when she reported the incident to her superiors.
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Here are some excuses that could possibly work for Desmond to get out of this.
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1) It was the black smoke monster.
2) Desmond needs to grab some boobs every 108 minutes or the world will end.
3) He's Scottish.
4) Desmond had a vision of the woman's death and grabbed her to prevent her from walking into traffic.
5) Desmond was traveling back in time from a moment in the future in which he and the woman are happily married. Not realizing that he was in the past, he started to... oh forget it, he's guilty.
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Really, ladies, if you were sexually harassed by Desmond, would you complain?

Sorry for the lack of posts, but my computer is broken again (surprise surprise). I'll post when I can.

If Ash Ketchum Lived in the Real World

Police apprehended Ash Ketchum, a self-declared “Pokemon Trainer” from Pallet Town, yesterday evening at approximately 6:00 PM. Ketchum has been indicted under charges of capturing and training Pokemon for fighting, as well as participating in an international Pokemon fighting ring. Ketchum was found in possession of six Pokemon at the time of his arrest, but it is believed that he has caught and trained several more Pokemon since becoming a trainer years ago.

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Officer Jenny of the Cerulean City police said, “It’s hard to believe anyone can be so cruel. These Pokemon are carried around in tiny Pokeballs without having enough room to move or even lie down. Then they are forced to fight for people’s amusement.”

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One eyewitness says that Ketchum admitted, as he was being dragged away, that he desired to, “Catch ‘em [the Pokemon] all”, and “To train them is [his] cause”.

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“It’s just sick”, says Officer Jenny. “We think we live in a civilized age, and things like this happen all the time.”

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Officer Jenny led efforts to collect Ketchum’s Pokemon and take them to a local shelter. It is hoped that these Pokemon may be retrained and that suitable families may be found to adopt them and give them a good home.

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Ketchum is currently being held without bail until his hearing on Saturday. He has declined to comment about the allegations against him.

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Police believe that Ketchum may be working under the direction of mob boss Oak, also known as the “Pokemon Prof.”. It has been alleged that Ketchum may have been supplying Oak with Pokemon over the web, using a program known as Bill’s PC. Whether or not this will be brought to light in the upcoming trial remains to be seen.

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Ketchum’s partners in crime, Misty and Brock, are both former leaders of gyms where these Pokemon fights took place. They remain at large.

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Officer Jenny advises anyone with knowledge of the whereabouts of these two criminals to contact local police immediately.

Pain in the Butt? Not Any More.

Consider your ass saved!
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WebMD reports that a new prostate cancer vaccine called Provenge has met its goal, increasing the survival rate of prostate cancer patients who weren't responding to other forms of treatment.
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In the fight against butt cancer, this smells like a success! Now if only they would get to work on a more dignified way of testing for prostate cancer than getting a finger in the pooper.
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We wonder why the aliens come and probe anals on Earth, but clearly we haven't even figured out our own asses. It's no wonder the human rectum is so baffling to outer space visitors.

Also, in the process of looking up this story, I came across one of the funniest and most horrifying medical diagrams I've ever seen. Enjoy:

Zomb-tronic Apocolypse

Scientific American reports that scientist have genetically engineered a virus that can be used to assemble batteries. The virus only infects bacteria and is not harmful to humans... yet.
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Clearly these scientists have never seen the movie I Am Legend. Once the virus mutates and goes airborne, it will most likely spread to all machines that use batteries. This will cause an outbreak of zombie electronics that will rise up and force the few surviving humans to live in enclosed shelters and seal themselves inside after dark.
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My advice, should this occur, is to stay away from Radio Shack and Brookstone (don't trust the massage chair, it won't be a 'nice' touch). Also, being Will Smith helps.

Review: Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

A while back, NBC announced that Conan O'Brien would be leaving his show and taking over Leno's time slot. Of course I was sad to see my favorite late night host say good bye (even though he is coming back in June), but I was very optimistic when I heard that the new host would be Jimmy Fallon. I've enjoyed his work on Saturday Night Live, so I was rooting for him to be a success.
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I decided to give him some time to work out the kinks and find a comfort level before I ventured an opinion on his talk show career. So I'll give my honest review of each part of his show, the good and the bad (and there's plenty of both).
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The Band
First of all, I was surprised and delighted that the show took on group "The Roots" as its late night band. The Roots are amazing, and perfect for the show. It seems that they know how to play virtually anything, an ability which the show's writers have put to the test. In a recent sketch, Fallon went out into the audience, asked an audience member a few basic questions, suggested a musical style for The Roots to play, and in true "Whose Line is it Anyway?" fashion, the band made up a short song on the spot about that audience member. The styles ranged from 80's pop, to reggae, to doo wop.
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The Monologue
Fallon opens each show with a monologue about current events (as is formulaic for late night hosts to do). The monologues are decent, nothing spectacular. Although Fallon keeps the audience laughing most of the time, when he goes down he goes down hard. I've never seen a host more awkward when a joke fails. One great thing about Conan (forgive me for making the unfair comparison between a host of more than a decade and a n00b) is that a joke that failed was made even funnier than a successful joke because Conan acknowledged that it bombed. I almost preferred when his jokes failed. I think this is something that may change in time as Fallon becomes more comfortable with his audience.
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Last night, the monologue was delivered by a random asian man with subtitles as he spoke some other language (my American ignorance is showing). No explanation was given for this, and Fallon just casually showed up at the desk as The Roots played him over. It was completely random. The odd thing is, the asian man KILLED! The audience loved him even though the jokes were just the typical current-event monologue that Fallon gives every night. I don't know what that says about Fallon's delivery, but I'm glad he has varied the typical late night formula, even if it is a slight variation.
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The Sketches
The sketches are hit or miss, drastically. They are either hilarious, or leave me scratching my head, saying "What the f*** was that?" For an example of the latter, last night Fallon talked about Mt. Redoubt in Alaska, which led to a sketch in which a talking volcano under the studio stairs demanded a sacrifice of baked beans, signed baseballs, and a human life. If you think that my description makes no sense, then I've done an adequate job of explaining the sketch itself. It made no sense. I don't understand what the show's writers were thinking on that one, or what they were smoking to think that it would be funny.
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One thing Fallon does in his sketches that is quite successful is including his audience members. As I mentioned earlier, Fallon does a bit where he goes into the audience and has The Roots play a song about a few audience members. Another sketch Fallon has that works well is "Facebook Status Updates", in which the camera focuses on a specific audience member, then shows what his or her status update would say on Facebook at that moment. According to Fallon's website, more audience participation is planned for future shows, which is an excellent idea judging by the success of such sketches.
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The Interviews
The interviews are still somewhat awkward. Fallon spends too much time complimenting the guests. I think he is still starstruck, which will, I assume, fade with time. But his interview tactics are a bit odd. He tends to start off with some story where he and the guest interacted on some other occasion. Most of the time the story ends in a "Wasn't that great?" type of comment. In other words, it's a you-had-to-be-there joke. That's not to say Fallon's interviews don't succeed at all. For instance, he had a contest with Glenn Close to see who could stuff the most carrots in their mouth, which was hilarious. His beer pong match with Anna Kournikova was a hit, as well. Kournikova won, no thanks to her underhand tosses. Another problem I have is Fallon's laugh. It's horrible. When a talk show host laughs, it should signal the audience to laugh along with him. But when Fallon laughs, I just have to stop and think, "Oh my God, that is one of the worst laughs I have ever heard". This may not be as legitimate a criticism, since there is really nothing Fallon can do about it, but it still bugs me.
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Overall, I expect the show to get better, but I would say there are still quite a few glitches to work out. As Fallon becomes more comfortable, I think his ability to recover from bombed jokes and his ability to maintain a decent interview will come more naturally. I expect he will remain a part of my somewhat regular viewing lineup, but I certainly can't wait for Conan to come back.