I Answer Stupid Questions Part 2

I'm answering more questions and kicking depression in the nuts.

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I Answer Stupid Questions Part 1

There are a ton of stupid questions out there on the internet these days.  Why not try and answer a few?  Well, here we go.

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America, the Country of High School Girls

If you've ever known a high school girl in your life or, worse, been one, then you know that high school girls suck.  Even high school girls will say, "Yeah, like, not me but totally.  Other girls suck."

Lately I've noticed that this whole country is full of high school girl mentality.  You've probably heard of Julian Assange, Wikileaks founder and professional supervillain.  Many people are saying he should be put to death or sent to Guantanamo Bay for terrorism.

Really?

Here's what happened.  Assange revealed some e-mails that showed what American diplomats said about foreign leaders.  What they actually said.  It's not made up or exaggerated.  It's really what they said.  And they're mad at him?

Let's say there's a high school girl named Kelly.  She decides one day that she's going to talk to Jessica about
Becky behind Becky's back.  Then Jessica tells Becky what Kelly said.  So instead of thinking, "Hey, I probably shouldn't have said those things about Becky because she's my friend," Kelly thinks, "Jessica, that bitch!  She should be put to death or sent to a prison for terrorists!"

There are tons of ways America is like high school.  The social clicks, the idolizing of jocks, the homophobia, and the spontaneous musicals.  But let's not turn into Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls, ok?


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The End Just Got Nigher

Well ladies and gents, it's a new year and we're one step closer to the Apocalypse.  2012 is coming, and if the Mayan's were good for anything (were they?) it's doomsday prophesies.  Okay, maybe they dropped the ball on predicting their own demise, but let's look at the facts.

Thousands of birds and fish, and now crabs apparently (the water kind, not the pube kind), have died en masse in the U.S., Sweden, Brazil, New Zealand, and Britain.  Scientists say it can be the result of global warming, waste dumping, disease, or in the case of the birds who dropped dead on New Years Eve confusion and fear  over fireworks.

But what's more likely, those perfectly logical scientific explanations, or the end of days?  Yeah.  That's what I thought.

2010 saw a huge influx of high profile UFO sightings, including ones that shut down Chinese airports and produced weird lights and formations over Texas.  Aliens, or angels of death heralding the Rapture?  Californians reported seeing a possible missile launch off the west coast.  The government's response:  "Um...  I dunno.  A cloud I guess?"

Come on, government.  People, can we really trust a group where one of the most powerful people weeps openly all the time.  Like, all the time.  Look up "John Boehner crying".  There's 4000 more results on Google than "John Boehner not crying".  Also his name is pronounced "Bay-ner", not the way it looks like it should be pronounced.  You would think getting called "Boner" his whole life would toughen him up.

No, we can't trust the government.  We can't trust science.  All we can trust is that, come 2012, we're all checking out.  The last step?  Zombies.  Yeah.  Get ready for that.




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