I Answer Stupid Questions Part 3

"Won't you be my neighbor?"  -Mr. Rogers

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Brilliant Idea: Barstucks

Sometimes you have an idea so good you just have to share it before it slips away.  This is one of those ideas.

My idea is to open a chain of bars called Barstucks Coffee.  They will look like Starbucks Coffee in every way, except the sign says "Barstucks Coffee".  You may be thinking, "Hey Mike, won't people get confused and end up walking into your bar looking for coffee?"  Shut up right now and stop interrupting my blog with your stupid thoughts.

Yes, people will walk into my bars by mistake.  That's part of the point.  They will walk in and ask for a tall chai mocha latte, and the bartender will say, "We don't serve coffee."  But the customers won't be upset once they find out they don't have to deal with the whiny, douchey, better-than-you cumstains who work at Starbucks and they can get a trenta of vodka.  And you can get it in a to-go cup!

Now, you may be thinking, "Won't to-go cups of alcohol encourage drunk driving?"  I thought I told you to shut up.  Interrupt my blog with your thoughts one more time and see what happens.

The cups won't encourage drunk driving because the bartender will write "Don't drink and drive" on each cup in Sharpie.  And once you accept something written in Sharpie, you have to accept it as law.  It's called "Sharpie Law".

Barstucks Coffee may infringe on some copyrights and trademarks, may include false advertising, and may increase alcoholism.  But is it that much worse than elitist snobs correcting you when you order a small, medium, or large and having a bunch of caffeine-crazed drivers road-raging to work every morning?


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Other Things On Obama's Plate

You may think that being the president is all about fighting wars, having sex with Marilyn Monroe, and other general everyday bad-assery.  And believe me, Obama is keeping up with all of that.  But what about the other stuff?  The boring minutia of the day-to-day life in the White Black House?  Well rest assured.  Barack-out-with-your-crocs-out has that nonsense on lock, too.

Here's an example.  Look at the top of your screen.  See that URL?  There's a good old fashioned American ".com" in that address, isn't there?  Well since Thomas Jefferson created the internet back in the day (it was Jefferson, right?) you've probably noticed that a ton of new dot somethings are floating around.  Not just ".org" or ".net", but a bunch of other flibbity-bibbity.  In fact, 115 new domains are under consideration as you read this, including ".car", ".movie", and my favorite, ".gay".  I haven't read the Bible in some time, but I'm pretty sure I remember something about a gay domain being an abomination.

And who has the power to say which of these domains flies or dies?  A California based company under a US government contract.  In other words, our Kill Switch wielding, basketball shooting, 44th president holds the power to give it the ol' left-handed John Hancock.  I mean his signature, not masturbation.

So next time you think about saying this president doesn't do anything, keep in mind he's the only thing standing between you and gay web domains.

You know what else has a ".com"?  The blog's Facebook page.  Like it.