Top 5 Majors that Should Exist

The Chicago Tribune, which is apparently the only paper that has noteworthy news lately, has reported that a class titled "Intensive Study of a Culture: Pirates" will be offered to students at the University of Chicago. A class about pirates? Are you serious?

It got me to thinking, what kind of classes would I like to see offered at my school? So I've come up with a list of the top majors that don't exist, but if they did I would drop English in a heartbeat.

5. Ninja-ology: Taking on the age-old internet debate of Pirates v. Ninjas, I'd say a major like this would be awesome. Imagine having Prof. Ra's Al Ghul teach your class.

4. Apocolypse-ology: Everything from the science of 2012 to the Book of Revelations to preparation for the Zombie apocolypse. Courses might include "Making Weapons out of Household Objects 101", or "Constructing Zombie-Proof Strongholds 300".

3. Super Hero-ing: Learn to be a super hero. Explore costume design, a superior sense of morality, and how to wear glasses in day to day life to disguise your identity.

2. Psychic-ology: Develop your psychic abilities and apply them to the real world. Tests would be a breeze because you'd already know the answers, right?

1. Paranormal Investigation: I want to be a ghost hunter so badly it's amazing. This major would prepare you for exploring the depths of Loch Ness, tracking Big Foot, searching for UFO's, and of course capturing evidence of spirit activity. Class subjects might include shaky photography, poor quality audio/video technology, and sounding like a complete nut.

There you have it. Those are the majors I would drop English for, no questions asked. Let's be honest, an English major is just as useless as the rest of these. Am I right or am I right?