"DA Sears!" or "Whatchoo Talkin' 'bout Willis?"

The Sears Tower is to be renamed the "Willis Tower" after Willis Group Holdings moves in. This change has many Chicagoans up in arms. God (I mean Mike) forbid one commercial brand name be replaced by another. We all know it's just about who has the biggest phallus anyway. Thank you Freud.

Rumor has it that the largest building this side of the prime meridian will also be painted silver. I firmly believe this is an effort to create a deadly weapon that will reflect the sun's rays and fire a heat ray capable of wiping entire cities from the map. The only thing missing is the addition of Sauron's eye at the top of the tower. But in this economy, you work with what you've got.