Angelo and Damon: FB IRL

Just a little comic I made. Enjoy.

Lern 2 Spel, Dooshbag!

Protests serve many purposes. The Civil Rights leaders protested against racism and inequality. The people of Iran protested an election they believed to be unfair. Tea partiers protest tea, or something.

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Yes, there are a great many worthy causes to protest for. But perhaps none so worthy as the cause that protestors outside of the Scripps National Spelling Bee in Washington are fighting for. They are simply asking that we change the spelling of words.

Yeah, there is an oil spill that is destroying all life in the Gulf, America is still at war, and Lady Gaga is still producing "music". But all of those tragedies of the day don't compare to our need to simplify the spelling of words that have been a part of our language for hundreds of years.

Nevermind the fact that thousands of texts in English exist across the globe that would have to be re-printed. Nevermind having to learn your own language all over again. Nevermind the fact that every dictionary in existence would be outdated. Our kids are failing spelling tests! Well, except for those nerds at the spelling bee.

A worthy cause indeed, protestors. Perhaps we could use all of those useless dictionaries to soak up the oil spill. And stuff Lady Gaga in the pipe for good measure. Brilliant.

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Dude, I Am So Hungry

After smoking weed, everyone has the same two questions on his or her mind. Where can I get some food, and how can I get it with the least amount of effort on my part? Well you may or may not know that chefs get high, too. Where do they go when the inevitable attack of the munchies rages through their body like super-gonorrhea?

Well it turns out, according to the New York Times, that there are entire groups of restaurants designed for chefs who are a bit stoned. Yep, stoned chefs cooking for other stoned chefs because, well, they're stoned.

I can just imagine a conversation between chef and chef at one of these restaurants:

Chef 1: This is delicious. What is it?

Chef 2: Oh that's a deep-fried hot pocket slathered in barbeque sauce and served over my specially seasoned Doritos casserole.

Chef 1: Mmm, delectible. Is this a grilled gyro inside of a steak burrito with...

Chef 2: That's right, pure ranch dressing. Because everyone knows a stoner can't live without ranch dressing.

Chef 1: Fantastico!

Cooking for stoners has to be one of the easiest jobs there is. Plus you can charge anything. Stoners don't care what they're paying, as long as you offer delivery.

This has been an anti-drug PSA by the Jumping Brooks Foundation for a Sober Tomorrow.

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PS. Jumping Brooks now has a fan page on facebook. Search for "Jumping Brooks: A Blog You Should Blog About" and click the "like" button to be a fan.

Seacrest, Out?

Just wondering, do you find this ad as creepy as I do? "Yes, send Seacrest clips of your children. Seacrest loves them. Mwahahahaha."

How the Census Changed My Opinion on Health Care

As anyone who lives in this country can tell you, the U.S. Census is a racist questionaire form that each citizen is forced to fill out. Even homeless people. My friend worked for the U.S. Census and said that in order to get the homeless on record, they drove around in a van at night and shined flashlights on any drifter on the street, saying, "Hey, can we ask you a few questions?"

Of course, most run away. If someone jumped out of a van and shined a flashlight at me trying to ask questions I'd run, too. (This is not a joke, it's the actual way they do it.)

But it was my experience with the U.S. Census that has changed my opinion on health care. My roommate filled out the form and sent it in. 2 weeks later, we recieved the form again. My roommate filled it in a second time and sent it in. 2 weeks later, a census person showed up at our door and sat down with my roommate and filled it in. 2 weeks after that, a census person showed up again and filled the form out with me. 1 week later (today) I got a phone call from the census person asking me even more questions.

Thats five times we've filled out this stupid form. And everyone knows the only thing they care about is whether or not you're Latino. So when they asked me about my roommate's ethnicity, I had to say he was half Puerto Rican, which made me feel like I was outing him to the government.

I was all for universal health care. I'd love to have socialized medicine. But now that I've seen how incredibly poorly the government runs a stupid little 10 question form, I can't see how they wouldn't mess up health care.

Hey Census people, I'M WHITE! QUIT ASKING!

Suck It, Nature!

If you have allergies, then I don't need to tell you this is one of the worst allergy seasons on record in the country.

If you can manage to read this through your tear-filled eyes and booger-laden tissues, congratulations. The fact is that the trees and plants, much like in Shyamalan's The Happening, are trying to murder us.

This is the latest in a long line of attacks by nature on humanity. Volcanoes, global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, Lady Gaga, swine flu, the list of forces of nature that can and will kill you is on the rise.

My solution: stop breathing out. Plants need CO2 to survive, right? Well lets see how they like it when we stop spewing it from our lungs. Take that, nature!

Volcanoes? Just throw a virgin or two in them. Anime Central is coming up and I'm sure we can find a more than enough specimens to satisfy the bloodlust of volcanoes. Global warming? Well, since you stopped breathing there won't be any more CO2, which means no more global warming. That's what we call a classic two-birds-one-stone scenario.

Earthquakes? According to muslim cleric Sedighi, women showing too much cleavage causes earthquakes. So cover them up ladies.

On second thought, I think we can live with earthquakes.

Come Fly With Me... Or Whatever, I Guess

The FAA just said it will allow depressed pilots who are on antidepressants to fly again.

Why wouldn't you want your depressed pilot to be on antidepressants? Can you imagine flying with a depressed pilot who wasn't medicated?

"We'll be flying at 32,000 feet today, which luckily no one is going to be limping away from if we crash. An oxygen mask will come down, but why bother? It's all pointless anyway. The bag will appear to be empty... like my soul... but air will still come through. But really, we all have to die sometime. So might as well just suffocate and die. Meh. See you in hell."

No thank you. I'll take my pilots highly medicated please. Anything you can do to keep them happy and wanting to live is fine with me.