Come Fly With Me... Or Whatever, I Guess

The FAA just said it will allow depressed pilots who are on antidepressants to fly again.

Why wouldn't you want your depressed pilot to be on antidepressants? Can you imagine flying with a depressed pilot who wasn't medicated?

"We'll be flying at 32,000 feet today, which luckily no one is going to be limping away from if we crash. An oxygen mask will come down, but why bother? It's all pointless anyway. The bag will appear to be empty... like my soul... but air will still come through. But really, we all have to die sometime. So might as well just suffocate and die. Meh. See you in hell."

No thank you. I'll take my pilots highly medicated please. Anything you can do to keep them happy and wanting to live is fine with me.

Love Kills, but Sex Saves

The BBC presented two stories of interest concerning the cost of love and the benefits of sex.

First, at an Italian Wedding, the bride requested that her bouquet be tossed out of a moving airplane to a line of waiting women. The bouquet was immediately sucked into the plane's engine, causing it to explode. The plane crashed into a hospital. Only one person was injured, and everyone else survived.

In the second story, Japan's love hotels, where couples can go for some "alone time", are apparently doing very well despite the economic situation. This has led investors to put money into the hotels, boosting the Japanese economy.

The moral of these two stories is that love is dangerous. Avoid it if at all possible. But sex can single-handedly save the economy. So get busy getting busy!

If history has taught us anything, it's that we can always count on sex to ensure the continuation of the species. Selling sex has been around since God made Adam and Steve... ehem, Eve. That's why they call prostitution the oldest profession.

So in order to fix this economy, follow Nike's advice and "Just Do It."

Zombie Pilot Lands Plane, Eats Brain

The Wall Street Journal reports that a Continental Airlines flight from Brussels to Newark landed safely after the pilot was pronounced clinically dead by a cardiologist on board the plane. Not only that, the flight landed early on a day when most flights were delayed by rain and fog.

There was no evidence that the pilot was suffering from zombie-ism, so there is no chance that he rose from the dead to land the plane.

Now I'm not so callous as to suggest that killing your pilot will ensure your flight will get you to Disneyworld on time. If you include court and jail time, I'm sure it would have quite the opposite effect. .

Nor am I suggesting that a pilot dying is in any way humorous. All I am suggesting is that airlines consider hiring dead pilots to land flights on time.

If a dead man can out-perform you at your job and you aren't doing work playing a cadaver on CSI, then you may want to reconsider your profession.