Suck It, Nature!

If you have allergies, then I don't need to tell you this is one of the worst allergy seasons on record in the country.

If you can manage to read this through your tear-filled eyes and booger-laden tissues, congratulations. The fact is that the trees and plants, much like in Shyamalan's The Happening, are trying to murder us.

This is the latest in a long line of attacks by nature on humanity. Volcanoes, global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, Lady Gaga, swine flu, the list of forces of nature that can and will kill you is on the rise.

My solution: stop breathing out. Plants need CO2 to survive, right? Well lets see how they like it when we stop spewing it from our lungs. Take that, nature!

Volcanoes? Just throw a virgin or two in them. Anime Central is coming up and I'm sure we can find a more than enough specimens to satisfy the bloodlust of volcanoes. Global warming? Well, since you stopped breathing there won't be any more CO2, which means no more global warming. That's what we call a classic two-birds-one-stone scenario.

Earthquakes? According to muslim cleric Sedighi, women showing too much cleavage causes earthquakes. So cover them up ladies.

On second thought, I think we can live with earthquakes.

Gonna Have You Naked By the End of This Blog

The New York Times reports that the Supreme Court has asked that the Third Appeals Court give "further consideration" to their overturning of the fines from the F.C.C. that resulted from Janet Jackson's exposed breast during the halftime performance with Justin Timberlake at the 2004 Super Bowl.

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The unexpected partial nudity lasted nine sixteenths of a second during halftime, but stayed in the mammary, ehem, memory of America more than the entire game.  Hey, some guys only need nine sixteenths of a second (right JohnO?  That's right, you got a shoutout on my blog).

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For God sakes, people, can't we just let the boobs go?  (Your "that's what she said" responses are duly noted.)  I mean damn America, haven't we milked this for long enough?  

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Is anyone even still offended by boobs?