No Long Haired Freaky Deaky People

Delinquency is like virginity. It needs to be wiped out fast and hard, and the younger the better. But how young is too young? How about 4 years old? (I mean for delinquency, not virginity... yeah.)

Well 4 is old enough for school suspension, according to a school district in a suburb of Dallas. The school suspended a boy from his pre-k class for wearing his hair too long. This has put the boy in a hairy situation. OH MY GOD! HAHAHAH! GET IT? A HAIRY SITUATION? Someone call Conan and tell him I'm available if he needs new writers when he goes to Fox!

I applaud the efforts of the school district. How many times have you seen a pretty lady sitting in front of you only to find out when she turns around that it's a MAN. Plus, if that kid gets close to a jet engine, his head will be sucked in like beer into a Shamwow.

We have to stop this kind of behavior early. Perhaps if someone had taken the Jonas Brothers' virginity early on, no one would care about them and we'd all be better off. Wait... what was this post about?

You Owe Us More Than Money, California!

You know that guy who always hangs around and drinks your booze and generally mooches off you, claiming, "I'll pay you back, dude. You know I'm good for it."?

Well the state of California is taking a page directly out of that guy's Moocher Handbook. The state government is issuing IOU's to everyone from businesses to college students who are owed money by the state because California is essentially broke. The IOU's claim that the holder can exchange them in October with 3.75% interest.

It's time we let California fall into the sea. What has California done for you lately? Produced shows like The Hills? That show is like a cancer on our society's intelligence. Watch it and you'll feel your IQ drop like a texter down a New York City manhole.

The new 90210? Who even liked the old one?

And honestly when is the last time something really good came out of Hollywood? It's all been sequels and remakes for a long time. Nothing original.

Before California goes, we'll take back Conan. The rest of it, we'll kick like a bad habit.

Moocher friends gotta go, and moocher states are no exception. Unless they can pay us back with all that weed they've been hoarding.