CA I Love You, But You're Bringing Me Down

Hey California.  I think we need to talk.

We've had some great times.  Remember when you gave us Tupac and West Coast rap?  And Disneyland?  So many good memories.

But I feel like we've grown apart these last few years.  To be honest, we made a lot of excuses for you.  Like when you elected Arnold Schwarzenegger governor.  We thought you were trying to be hipster-ironic.  And it was pretty funny.  The Terminator?  What's up with that?

Even when you voted on Prop 8.  I mean, you have San Fransisco, the gayest place in the universe.  We were confused, but maybe it was just self-depricating humor.  Like "Ha ha, I'm so gay I couldn't possibly be with just one other man".

But you've gone too far with voting no on Prop 19.  California, I thought we were cool.  You were willing to allow people to get medical marijuana.  But you're standing in the way of stoners?  Who make up one fourth of your population?  And yes, I did make that number up for the sake of this blog.

California, I'm sorry, but I think we have to break up.  I feel like we're drifting further and further apart.  Literally, the San Andreas fault is moving us further and further apart.

You can keep Hollywood.  We'll find a way to adjust.  I'm sure you'll bounce back, too.  I hear Mexico is nice this time of year.  I'm sure they'd be happy to take you back.

We're keeping the rap, though.

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You Owe Us More Than Money, California!

You know that guy who always hangs around and drinks your booze and generally mooches off you, claiming, "I'll pay you back, dude. You know I'm good for it."?

Well the state of California is taking a page directly out of that guy's Moocher Handbook. The state government is issuing IOU's to everyone from businesses to college students who are owed money by the state because California is essentially broke. The IOU's claim that the holder can exchange them in October with 3.75% interest.

It's time we let California fall into the sea. What has California done for you lately? Produced shows like The Hills? That show is like a cancer on our society's intelligence. Watch it and you'll feel your IQ drop like a texter down a New York City manhole.

The new 90210? Who even liked the old one?

And honestly when is the last time something really good came out of Hollywood? It's all been sequels and remakes for a long time. Nothing original.

Before California goes, we'll take back Conan. The rest of it, we'll kick like a bad habit.

Moocher friends gotta go, and moocher states are no exception. Unless they can pay us back with all that weed they've been hoarding.