Starbucks: The Fight Continues

A few of you may remember my post about Barstucks.  And if you don't, chances are good you didn't even see it because it is one of the best ideas ever, and you'd definitely remember.

Well it seems that Starbucks has decided to strike back with the most elaborate plan ever to get me to buy coffee from them.  Here's how it went down.

Someone posted an offer for an internship on Craigslist that was bound to appeal to me.  I applied for said internship.  I was contacted about interviewing for said internship.  The interview for said internship was to take place at 9:30am on Sunday at, of all places, a Starbucks.

So I went to that Starbucks and waited.  When I didn't see anyone who looked like they were there to conduct interviews, I asked two of the customers awkwardly if they were there to interview people.  Yeah, I did that.  Until one of the employees came over and asked if they could help me (translation: you're freaking out the customers, and you look like a Mormon with your neutral tones, your tie, and your stupid notebook).

So here's where Starbucks wins this round.  I ordered a coffee and sat down and waited.  For 40 minutes I waited.  I figured maybe daylight savings time messed up my interviewer, but she had an interview right before mine, so she should have been there anyway.

The interviewer in question had a twitter, a facebook page, and a linkedin account.  So this was probably the most elaborate plot Starbucks has ever used to get someone to buy coffee.  Well played Starbucks.

But know that now you have opened a Pandora's Box.  Barstucks is a go as soon as I get some investors.  You will RUE the day, Starbucks.  Commence ruing NOW.

Oh, and what's this?  Post number 100 on this blog?  THAT'S RIGHT!  100 POSTS!  We've come a long way, haven't we?  I started off with no fame, and now I have no fame and a false sense of accomplishment.  Thanks everybody!  Here's to 100 more.

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Brilliant Idea: Barstucks

Sometimes you have an idea so good you just have to share it before it slips away.  This is one of those ideas.

My idea is to open a chain of bars called Barstucks Coffee.  They will look like Starbucks Coffee in every way, except the sign says "Barstucks Coffee".  You may be thinking, "Hey Mike, won't people get confused and end up walking into your bar looking for coffee?"  Shut up right now and stop interrupting my blog with your stupid thoughts.

Yes, people will walk into my bars by mistake.  That's part of the point.  They will walk in and ask for a tall chai mocha latte, and the bartender will say, "We don't serve coffee."  But the customers won't be upset once they find out they don't have to deal with the whiny, douchey, better-than-you cumstains who work at Starbucks and they can get a trenta of vodka.  And you can get it in a to-go cup!

Now, you may be thinking, "Won't to-go cups of alcohol encourage drunk driving?"  I thought I told you to shut up.  Interrupt my blog with your thoughts one more time and see what happens.

The cups won't encourage drunk driving because the bartender will write "Don't drink and drive" on each cup in Sharpie.  And once you accept something written in Sharpie, you have to accept it as law.  It's called "Sharpie Law".

Barstucks Coffee may infringe on some copyrights and trademarks, may include false advertising, and may increase alcoholism.  But is it that much worse than elitist snobs correcting you when you order a small, medium, or large and having a bunch of caffeine-crazed drivers road-raging to work every morning?


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