The Sexiness of Toaster Ovens

With all the debate going on about gay marriage, Quiznos continues to push the borders with their campaign for human-toaster relationships.

We all remember the controversial commercial when the Quiznos toaster oven demanded that a man "put it in me", referring seductively to a sandwich. It seems Quiznos has done it again with a new commercial in which the sex-hungry toaster suggests that it and a woman "run away together" because it has a "long extension cord".

People, I don't feel like I need to explain the dangers of sexual relationships between people and toaster ovens. The one-man-one-woman relationship serves the important function of reproduction. The only thing a relationship with a toaster oven will produce is burnt genitals.

If we all fall in love with toaster ovens, our civilization is doomed to fall. God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Kenmore.

By the way, this is the funniest Quiznos commercial I've seen since the Quiznos rats: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOkoA9aBkuw

Love Kills, but Sex Saves

The BBC presented two stories of interest concerning the cost of love and the benefits of sex.

First, at an Italian Wedding, the bride requested that her bouquet be tossed out of a moving airplane to a line of waiting women. The bouquet was immediately sucked into the plane's engine, causing it to explode. The plane crashed into a hospital. Only one person was injured, and everyone else survived.

In the second story, Japan's love hotels, where couples can go for some "alone time", are apparently doing very well despite the economic situation. This has led investors to put money into the hotels, boosting the Japanese economy.

The moral of these two stories is that love is dangerous. Avoid it if at all possible. But sex can single-handedly save the economy. So get busy getting busy!

If history has taught us anything, it's that we can always count on sex to ensure the continuation of the species. Selling sex has been around since God made Adam and Steve... ehem, Eve. That's why they call prostitution the oldest profession.

So in order to fix this economy, follow Nike's advice and "Just Do It."