Fun With Super Bowls

I went to Indianapolis for the Superbowl this year.  I know, I've mentioned several times that I do not enjoy sports (see here and here).  But I'll be damned if I miss an opportunity to make fun of people for caring about something.  I mean, who do they think they are?  Being passionate and all that nonsense.  You might think I'm saying that because I'm jealous because I'll never have something I care about that much.  Well, smarty pants...

Moving on.

I didn't actually go to the game.  But I did have fun in all the madness around the city.  I happened to be captured in the best photograph I have ever been a part of in my life.

Best photobomb ever.

Just look at it.  We honestly had no idea that lady was back there.  But it looks like this photo simply formed around her.  The spotlight hit her perfectly.  I'm looking to the side as if I'm directing your eye to her.  Totally unplanned.  And we seemed to capture the exact moment she is about to say the word "luscious".

But it wasn't all fun in the dark.  The daylight brought out the crazies, too.  Like this lady.

First of all, there go my Saturday plans.  But party in hell cancelled due to fire?  Really?  That's like saying "Pool party cancelled due to wetness".  The whole reason to go to a hell party is for the fire.  I know, I've been to a hell party.  And honestly, hell isn't that bad.  In fact, if you're bad in hell, they send you back here.  You might think that's not so bad.  Well do you want to die?  No.  Do you want to die twice?  Hell no.  (Incidentally, that's where the phrase "Hell no" came from.)

Don't believe I've been to hell?  Take this crazy's word for it.

I'm at least four out of those five things.  Bonus points if you can guess which ones.

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Magic Luck Bird Makes Baseball Tolerable

In terms of sports that are fun to watch, baseball ranks somewhere above Chess and somewhere below Paper Sailboat races.  But you know what can make baseball interesting?  Live flying monster beasts blazing out of the sky granting wishes to the home team.

Well guess what happened Easter Sunday, sports fans.  Exactly that.

Some said it was a red-tailed hawk, some said it was a peregrine falcon that fired down from the roof of Miller Park during the Brewers game.  The bird-creature took a chomp on a pigeon on the way down, most likely just for the hell of it, then landed on the grass about 50 feet from the right fielder.

And there it sat with the kind of couldn't-give-a-good-god-damn attitude that bordered on James-Dean-after-a-blunt levels.  Excessive hyphens?  You bet I just did that.

He sat there throughout a three run Milwaukee rally with celebratory fireworks, looking bored by the whole thing.  Then it decided Milwaukee was unworthy of its luck-bringing demon powers and took off, presumably to go place a few bets at the track and bang some super models.

If you could guarantee that the magic luck bird would show up to sporting events, I'd actually watch games.  If that ornithic beast were a Pokemon, it would be a Chansey and a Moltres combined, and you wouldn't be able to catch it because it would eat your pokeballs and poop out nightmares.

Perhaps one day the bird shall return and fulfill the prophecy.  You know the one I'm talking about.  Yeah, that prophecy.

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