Shutting Down My Blog

Hello faithful minions.  I am taking this opportunity to inform you that I am shutting down my blog.

Wait.  Why are you crying?  Oh, no no no, honey.  Not this blog.  Dry your tears.  Jumping Brooks will continue on as usual.  I mean my other blog.  Jumping Ponds.

Hi fives.  For traveling.

As you may or may not know, I started another blog called Jumping Ponds when I studied abroad in England.  When I got back, it kind of fell out of use.  I tried to do different things with it, but in the end it went stagnant.  So I'm shutting it down.

Over the next few weeks I will be moving all of the posts from that blog to this one, one post per day.  I'll also be fixing some of the links and pictures that aren't working anymore.  I won't be linking the old posts to the Facebook fan page or my Twitter, so don't worry about spamming.  But if you want to re-live some of the memories with me, stop by once a day to see what's going on.  The first one will come later today.

So... um... sweet.  Let's murder a blog.

It's All In A Name

A killer whale killed its trainer at SeaWorld last week in front of a full audience. This has led to speculation about how this tragedy could have been prevented, but no one has suggested the obvious. Stop calling them KILLER WHALES!

Are you going to leave your kid in a room alone with some guy named Muderer Von Kiddierape? No, of course not. Chances are good he's a murderer and/or kiddie rapist.

No one gets killed by the bottlenose dolphin. Do you know why? Because we call them bottlenose! They hear that and think, "Well I'm not going to mess with humans. They just make fun of my nose."

Do you know what the killer whale thinks when he hears us call him a killer whale? He thinks, "I have to kill someone." It's basic psychology.

Sad thing is, this particular whale has already been involved in two other killings. That means this is a serial killer whale. So it's time we start taking it serial and change its name to something like "cowface" whale, or "fatty-fat-fat". If you put someone down enough, there's no way he's going to snap and start killing people... right?

I Believe You Left Your Tool in my Colon

A Chicago Tribune story claims that a dentist is being sued for dropping tools down a patient's throat. The 90 year old patient swallowed the tools on two separate occassions, the second time resulting in death.

During the first incident, the man swallowed some kind of screwdriver or something. He then recieved a colonoscopy and the tool was removed from his intestines.

Now you would think after getting a camera shoved into his rectum and having a tool forcibly removed, the man would have looked for a new dentist.

But no, the patient went back to the same dentist, who again dropped a tool down the man's throat. The patient had to undergo surgery from which he never fully recovered and died.

Everyone knows dentists are sadists. I have survived a few murder attempts by these tooth-fetishizing exectutioners.

What's the difference between a dominatrix and a dentist? There's no joke there, I'm really asking.