More Zombies? Yes Please.

Four people have been charged with digging up graves to resell the plots at Chicago's Burr Oak Cemetery. They allegedly dug up quite a few graves, dismembered several bodies, and discarded the remains in an unused corner of the cemetery.

But you and I both know what really happened.

ZOMBIES!!!

The zombies have started rising from the dead. The government is just trying to cover it up by blaming these guys for digging up dead people.

The zombie apocalypse is coming. And with the recent string of celebrity deaths, the zombies are shoring up their numbers. We must be ready.

Those road signs that say "Zombies Ahead" must be taken seriously. We can't be making jokes anymore.

If we aren't careful Michael Jackson will be doing the moonwalk across the flesh of the living. Farah Fawcett will pose for the rising number of prepubescent boys with zombie fetishes. Ed McMahon will knock on doors and people will answer thinking he has a giant check only to find their faces being chewed off by a living corpse.

Although I really hope Oscar Mayer comes back from the dead. I loves me some hot dogs.

Jackson Dead? Not a Chance.

Today Michael Jackson was rushed to the hospital after going through cardiac arrest. Early reports have stated that the King of Pop passed away at age 50.

While he may be dead, Jacko is certainly not gone. I predict that Jackson will become the Elvis of pop. People will speculate that he didn't die, but went home in the mother ship to be number 1 on Mars's Top 40. Little boys will claim that Jackson probed them in his spaceship.

Much like those who prefer young, thin Elvis to old, fat Elvis, everyone will have an opinion as to whether young, black Michael was better than old, white Michael.

Hordes of Jacko looke-alikes will come crawling out of the woodwork for Michael Conventions. Maybe Michael Jacks-con 2010 is just around the corner.

Jackson will be to pop what Tupac is to rap. It will be speculated that he faked his own death, and people will search for clues in his posthumous albums. His zombie corpse will be spotted performing "Thriller" at nightclubs everywhere.

Dead? I think not.