Pickle You, Kumquat!

You stub your toe. You get a papercut. You slip while shaving the downstairs region. Immediately and almost uncontrolably you cuss like Blagojevich trying to sell a Senate seat. Well, according to emerging research, swearing actually may help reduce pain.

It's cheaper than Vicodin, and almost as fun!

Next thing you know, hospital halls will be filled with profanity as the economic downturn will lead physicians to find cheaper means of pain relief. Kids will present doctor's notes to teachers allowing them to cuss in the middle of class.

And people with Tourette's will finally be accepted by society. Not only that, they will become valuable medical consultants.

But be careful. Swearing is addictive. Before you know it, you'll need to swear more and more just to get the same high. Case in point, just try to play Mario Kart with Veronica Steege.