Drugs In SPAAAAAAACE

A maintenance worker in the hangar of the space shuttle Discovery found a bag of cocaine outside of the men's room. Reportedly, this is all part of NASA's plan to cut costs in this troubled economy. It's cheaper to buy everyone a dime bag and make them think they are in space than actually paying to send people into space.

This calls into question every other space mission NASA has been a part of. Did we really land on the moon, or was everyone involved just stoned? The late sixties were a time of tremendous drug experimentation. Maybe Neil and Buzz just crashed into the Rockies and felt like there was less gravity. Astronauts on the moon certainly walk like they're coked out.

And that water that scientists found on the moon? Who's to say that someone didn't just have a coke sneeze on a monitor and thought it was water?

Of course, it could all be an alien conspiracy to smuggle drugs off the planet. That could also be why they are probing our anals, to see how much blow we can hide up there.

And no, I wasn't stoned when I wrote this.

Underpants in the News

It's no secret that people have moon fever thanks to the anniversary of the historic Apollo 11 moon landing. But anyone who has ever dropped their pants in a public area knows the best thing after a mooning is a solid pair of underpants.

An article by the Associated Press says a Japanese astronaut is coming back to Earth after wearing the same pair of underwear for the past month. The underwear is part of a Japanese developed clothing line for astronauts that is supposedly anti-bacterial, water absorbant, and odor-eliminating.

One must wonder exactly how much ball-sweat the underwear can hold. Even if it were sterilized and odor free, I can't say I'd want the same swamp-ass laden briefs hugging my luscious curves for a whole month.

The best part of the story is that scientists are going to examine the underwear when the astronaut comes back. Now, I've heard of some crappy experiments... (buh-dum tshhh).

Someone should notify Mike Rowe that there is another Dirty Jobs episode on the way.