Naked Pictures of You!

Big news from the Chicago Tribune. It seems O'Hare is getting full body scanners for security.

I'd like to personally volunteer to scan the 18-25 year old female demographic. I do that all the time for free, so getting paid for it would be fantastic.

This means that every passenger, not just the suspicious ones, every passenger, not just the muslim ones, every passenger, not just the non-white ones, every passenger will be scanned by a machine that shows your naughty bits to some security perv.

And all of this because some guy set his crotch on fire in a poor attempt at a terrorist attack. He may be going to jail, but at least he'll never have to shave his pubes again.

As for the rest of us, we have to get cancer from some radioactive x-ray machine that exposes our junk to the fuzz. Now all we need is the machine that gives a cavity search to everyone.

I can tell what you're thinking already. "But they don't let you bring lube through security!" I know. It's a pain in the butt... buh dum tshhhh.