Jumping Ponds: British Fashionable

Re-posted from Jumping Ponds, 1/2/2010.

Want to dress like a British person? That's easy. Just follow my simple guidelines.

For ladies: Put on some black leggings. On top of that, wear a pair of very short shorts or a mini skirt. But make sure it's black. For your top, think American fashion circa 1980 minus the outrageous colors. So pretty much a top that hangs off of one shoulder and shows your bra strap. Make sure it's baggy and loose. Also black, or maybe dark grey. Avoid color at all cost. Bland is grand.

For dudes: Jeans. That pretty much covers your bottom half. Also, a studded belt will help, even if your jeans are tight enough to cut off circulation to everything below the torso. As for everything above the waist, there are options. First, you could get a t-shirt that is a few sizes too small. Keep in mind, it's perfectly acceptable for guys to wear the color purple. If you plan on going out to a club, a button down shirt with a popped collar is a must. And if all else fails, find the fugliest sweater (known in Britain as a jumper) you can find. Literally, the more attrocious and unnappealing the sweater, the better. Make sure it's as itchy as possible, and a few sizes larger than necessary.

There. Now you look like an elegant British lady or a fine English chap. And if you're dressed like that in America, you look like a douche.