Re-posted from Jumping Ponds, 12/4/2010.
My choice was based on three things: it was cheap, it was soap, and it smelled okay. I didn't really read the bottle, which, to be fair, says "cools and tingles to shock the senses".
The first time I showered with it, I poured some soap onto my hands. When agitated, the soap emitted such a powerful smell that I had a coughing fit. It's kind of like breathing in Vic's Vapor Rub, which if you're not expecting it goes straight to your brain. I felt like I had a nose bleed.
So, next step was to actually use the soap. Now, I should have payed attention to the bottle, because "cools and tingles" is like saying the Holocaust was just a bit of a skirmish. It feels a bit like when you touch something so hot you can't tell if it's cold or hot anymore, you just want to GET IT OFF OF YOU.
When it hit my cock'n'balls the pain was horrible. You'd think that when they were testing this soap, someone would have had to have tested it on their sensitive parts because, you know, people might want to wash those areas. If they had tested it, they would have definitely scrapped the whole idea of this soap.Whatever you do, though, do not use this soap after shaving. Your face, your legs, your gents, anything you shave. You might as well soap up with Satan's semen because your skin will burn with the fire of every acid in existence.
I'd rate this product at one flaming testicle.
I bought it by accident, and cool sensation is the last thing I want in the winter! Not to mention it's like using Icy Hot on your privates! What moron came up with the bright idea to put menthol in a body wash?!?
ReplyDeleteLook, I don't shave anything down there. I ran out of bar soap and reached for this bottle of lightning because that's all I had. I couldn't remember why this bottle had been sitting under the sink for 2 years until I used it today. My skin was burning like a hot shower after a day at the beach with no sunscreen. But when it reached my balls it was like having my skin burned with a torch. I tried to scrub it off with lots of water but ended up reaching for an almost used up bar of soap. I proceeded to scrub that stuff off but it took a while for the burning sensation to go away. It reminded me of the time I ate some Mexican food in El Paso, Texas. I asked for "not too spicy".....but couldn't put that fire out either. It just had to burn out, just like this soap. Really? Did Colgate-Palmolive even try this crap out on humans? They certainly didn't abuse little furry bunnies in the lab by squirting it in their eyes!!! Not so sure those bastards still do that these days ( to the little fury ones). I think the boys and girls in lab coats should have their g'nads soaked in this stuff. Just like "Madge" used to do to her customers in the old Palmolive dish soap commercials. Am I giving my age away here??
ReplyDeleteNo, I'm not a "millennial", a "tweener" or whatever noobs are called these days. Bottom line, If you like to hang off rocks by two fingers without a rope or jump between two rooftops 16 stories up, or jump over a car going 40 mph, or busting your balls trying to be a pro skate boarder, you might just enjoy having your g'nads lit on fire and put out with a brick. This crap will really turn you on, and you don't even have to leave your house to get the first thrill of the day!!! I won't put this bottle back under the sink. I'll just get it out in two years and repeat the experience. I'll donate it to Goodwill. Ignore the screaming coming from the shower room. It's okay, really.......