The Balloon Boy Reality TV Show

When I first heard the term "Balloon Boy", I was hoping to be treated to a heart-warming story of a Pinocchio made out of balloons that just wanted to be a real boy. I was deflated when I found out the truth. Get it? Deflated? Because of balloons. They get deflated when they... forget it.

By now you've probably heard about the boy whom everyone thought was trapped in a UFO-shaped balloon flying over Colorado, but was really hiding in his attic or garage or something. You've probably also heard that the whole thing was a hoax.

The family had pitched a reality TV show to TLC (which TLC rejected), and the hoax was most likely intended to draw attention to the family and the show. How did they figure out it was a hoax? Balloon Boy said on CNN that he thought "we did it for the show".

Many people are outraged. Don't get me wrong, I think this was a terrible thing to do. But GIVE THAT FAMILY A SHOW! I mean they were willing to fake their son's disappearance and possible death. Can you ask for better television?

Every episode they could douse their son in pig blood and throw him in a shark tank, or dip him in gasoline and set him on fire, or cover him in sunflower seeds and set thousands of starving hamsters on him. Then someone would try to rescue him, and after they get chomped or burnt or gnawed, the kid would pop out of some box like David Blaine, unharmed.

It has violence. It has suspense. It has magic. It has hamsters. What more could you want?

You Know How I Know It's Not American?

I get a craving for a beer once in a while. So I decided to give Carlsberg a try (believe it or not, Miller and Bud are imports here in England). And as I put the can to my lips, I noticed the slogan of the Carlsberg brand in proud gold lettering. It said, "Probably the best lager in the world..."

Probably? Really?

Miller called itself "The Champagne of Bottled Beers". Bud had the self-proclaimed title of "King of Beers". What's with probably? It might as well be, "Eh, give it a try. Some people like it." It even trails off at the end with an ellipsis, like they left something off.

The original slogan most likely read, "Probably the best lager in the world. I mean let's be honest, best is a broad category. Some people would judge by taste, which is subjective to each individual, so it's hard to claim any one lager is the best. We make this claim solely on our own preferences. Well actually it's the preference of Bill. He works in accounting. But his preferences might be similar to yours, in which case you might judge this lager as the best."

.

Even the owner of Men's Warehouse guarantees you'll like the way you look! If you're going to make a product, stand by it. Claim your beer is the best thing since God made sex! Claim it will make you look like Brad Pitt. Claim drinking it is the coolest thing since James Dean sat on an iceberg.

This is probably the best advice Carlsberg has ever gotten...