A Trip to Wal-Mart

I've been really busy, but here's a quickie to satisfy your innuendo desires. I took a trip to Wal-Mart today and took this picture of some kind of bedding.

In response to this picture, I am going to take the high road and say "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID".

Warehouse 13 and El Kabong

I love the new show Warehouse 13 on SciFi (I refuse to call it Syfy. Poor spelling is NOT cool.).

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If you haven't seen it, the basic plot of the show is that these secret government agents go out and recover artifacts with strange and dangerous powers to lock them away in the titular warehouse. Each episode is a new search for new artifacts.

I was delighted when Lewis Carroll's looking glass made an appearance on the show. Other artifacts that have been featured on the show are Houdini's wallet and the Guillotine blade that that killed Marie Antionette.

The website for the show is fun, too. You can look up other artifacts in the warehouse like Agatha Christie's typewriter and John Dillinger's pistol.

You can also consign your own artifact (really any object you have laying around the house) to the website as a warehouse artifact. Here is what I submitted:

Object: El Kabong's Kabonger

Effect: This four string guitar was primarily used as a weapon. It has the ability to repair itself by the next episode and be held without the aid of opposable thumbs.

The Life Lessons of Beer

As I write this blog I am drinking an Apple-Cinnamon flavored Leinenkugel beer. Half of you are probably thinking, "hey that sounds disgusting," and the other half are probably thinking, "hey that might be good."

Well, that split opinion is a fairly accurate reflection of the actual taste because I haven't really decided how I feel about it. It seems that every other sip is delightful, but the sip in between is horrible.

That's kind of like life. You take the good with the bad, the ying with the yang, the sex with the teen pregnancy, etc.

Oh beer, you teach us so many life lessons.

Anyway, I figured this blog post would be more interactive than my other ones. What are some of the life lessons beer has taught you?

Leave a comment and let me know. If I think of anymore beer life lessons, I'll post them.

America the Baby-ful

Chances are good that if you've heard any news at all lately, it's been about the "town hall" meeting protests that have been going on. People sneek into these meetings and shout down speakers who are trying to explain the benefits of Obama's health care plan.

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Well a new survey by an independent research organization shows that 61% of Americans actually agree with the methods taken by protestors, and many of them claim that these crazies have changed their opinion on health care.

At this point it seems like America is a four year old and Obama is a concerned parent trying to console it. I imagine the conversation going like this:

Obama: Don't you want affordable health care?

America: NO! I don't wanna go to the doctor!

Obama: But it'll be good for you.

America: NO! Canada says it hurts. And they said the doctor is going to kill Grandma!

Obama: They won't kill Grandma and it will hurt less than paying for insurance companies that will drop you anyway. I promise.

America: You're lying!

Obama: Don't you want to grow big and strong like the other industrialized nations?

America: NO NO NO! You're a socialist! I want my Hummers and SUVs! NOW!

Grow the eff up, America.

Boredom is Illegal

The Chicago Tribune reports that a man in Joliet has been sentenced to six months in jail for yawning too loudly. The man was at his cousin's court hearing and yawned just as the judge was passing the sentence. The judge then ordered that the sleepy spectator be held in contempt of court.

Yes, let's forget that the jails are overcrowded as it is. Forget that the government doesn't have a dollar to spare for more prisons. Forget that there are thieves, murderers, and worst of all pot smokers wandering the streets.

What we need is to crack down on yawning. And for that matter, let's crack down on all bodily functions. Blinking? That won't fly, sucker. Breathing? Cut it out. Gotta pee? Not in my town.

Last time I checked, this was America. Home of the brave, not the bored. If you want to yawn willy-nilly why don't you go back to Cuba, communist?

An Anticlimactic Day in My Life 1

I was sitting on the couch in the living room the other evening with the front door open. Suddenly a dark shape whizzed past from the door, through the living room, and into the kitchen.
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I had seen this before and knew exactly what it was. A bat. At first my mom and my friend didn't believe me, but we could see its shadow darting about in the kitchen. So I ran outside and grabbed the fishing net from the shed. By the time I came back, the bat was back in the living room, my mom was hiding in the kitchen, and my friend was outside.
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So I walked through the front door, net in hand. The bat instantly swooped at my head. I was caught of guard and fell back against the wall. The ladies laughed at me.
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I shook off the embarassment and prepared myself. The bat flew around the room. I could sense an impending battle. The room would surely be destroyed in the fray, which might go on for hours.
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As I reached up with my net, prepared to cast the almighty first blow... the bat flew straight into the net.
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I took it outside, shook it free, and it flew away.
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I put my net away, but not before performing a few heroic poses for the women.

Obama is Such a Joker

After Heath Ledger's stunning performance as the Joker, who could possibly do the character justice in future Batman movies? It would have to be a man who could do anything. A man who captures the imaginations of his audience. A man who projects power and confidence. In short, it would take a hero to play this villain. It would take... President Barack Hussein Obama.

Well, at least that's how he is being portrayed by a few posters that have been spotted around the Los Angeles area. The posters feature the President as the Joker with the word socialism beneath him.

As anyone who has seen The Dark Knight knows, the irony of these posters is that the Joker is an anarchist, which is about as far from socialism as you can get (nnneeerrrrdddd alert).

Plus, you can tell the picture has been photoshopped. Just look at the pixels!

If anything about the posters is offensive, it's a Black man painted in White face. That wouldn't fly if it were a White dude in Black face.