Jumping Ponds: I Am the Heir to Ryanair

Re-posted from Jumping Ponds, 12/23/09.

The airport in Nottingham is similar to a bus station. So you wouldn't think that security would be that big a deal. Wrong.

Sarah and I found this out when we decided to take a Ryanair flight to Ireland. We got our tickets, went through security, which forced Sarah to throw out a rather expensive lotion (or some such nonsense girly product), and waited in line to board our flight.

At that point, Sarah noticed that our ticket said that we needed a passport check. I assumed that presenting our passports would be fine, and suggested that if there was a problem I could try to convince security that Ryan from Ryanair was my dad and that I was the heir to Ryanair and could get everyone fired.

Turns out we did need to get our passports checked by someone else, which security told us when we were about to board our flight. And to top it off, these passport checks could only happen on the other side of the airport. Right away, I figure we weren't going to make this flight and resigned myself to the fate of a boring weekend.

Sarah, on the other hand, took off like Batman through the airport. I followed, blazing past people that Sarah had almost knocked over, trying to ignore the looks of upstanding British citizens who weren't used to our American shinanigans.

We ran to the desk, shoved our passports at these ladies who clearly did not understand that our heavy breathing meant we were obviously in a hurry. They checked our passports and as we were about to run off, one of the ladies said, "You aren't going to make it."

Sarah said, "Thanks for your confidence," and we ran off again. Sadly, we had to go through security again, but we decided to take our chances and run through the express lane, which no one was using. Surprisingly we got through. We made it just in time to be the last people on the plane.

If you've never been on a Ryanair flight, consider yourself lucky. The flight between Nottingham and Dublin takes about an hour. It's quiet for about 15 minutes of that time. The rest of the time is full of advertisement over the loudspeaker, offering everything from smokeless cigarettes to lotto tickets to alcoholic beverages to sandwiches. And when the flight lands, a trumpet plays and a voice claims that this is another successful, on-time Ryanair flight.

That airport will be hearing from my dad, Ryan, very soon.