Making Fun of Korean Boy Bands

Remember boy bands?  Me neither.  Like many of you, I've forced those memories into oblivion.  But it seems that boy bands live on in a mystical place known as South Korea.

Actual Starcraft Tournament.
Not a joke.

With 10 confirmed members (at times having up to 13), Super Junior is a South Korean boy band bound to become an unstoppable, homoerotic army that spreads destruction and K-Pop like a swarm of sexy Zerglings on a Terran base.  Yes, that's a Starcraft joke.  Because Koreans love Starcraft.


With songs like "Mr. Simple", they've already proved they can master saying the letter "L".  What's next?  Flying through the air with hand rockets?

Yup.

My only solution is to make fun of them one by one in the Kim Jong-illest way possible (I know that's North Korea, but I'm out of Starcraft jokes).  Here we go.

It may look like he stands out, but this guy would be in perfect camouflage for the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air opening credits.

I'm pretty sure this is South Korea's colorful, feathery answer to Robert Smith from The Cure.

Is that guy wearing a tube top?  Yep.  Does that guy have blonde bangs?  Yep.  Is that even a guy? ... Not convinced.

I'm sorry officer, I was just trying to OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL?  Did I just get pulled over by a cheetah-policeman in fishnet stockings?

"Listen, Korean Superman.  We understand if you forget your costume one time.  But when you keep showing up to crime scenes naked... I can see your bulge, dude.  There are kids here.  Seriously."

Okay, now don't look.  But there is something... DON'T LOOK!  There is something on your head... and it's... OH DEAR GOD IT'S EATING HIM!

I have found Carmen Sandiego.  Turns out she is a blonde South Korean man with no eyes.  I seriously have no idea why it took so long to find her.  Probably the most conspicuous person I've ever seen.

Remember that scene in Home Alone when Joe Pesci walks in the door and a blow torch lights his head on fire?  This is the Korean re-enactment of that scene.  And it's pretty much spot-on.

Every boy band needs that working class guy who appeals to farmers by wearing a cow hat.  And this guy just screams blue collar, manly-man's man, man.

I'm glad to see the lady from The Weakest Link is still getting work.  But she's still known as the "bitchy" one.






You pepper random English words into your songs to be trendy and expect me to not make fun of what you wear?  Not on my watch.

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