Magic Luck Bird Makes Baseball Tolerable

In terms of sports that are fun to watch, baseball ranks somewhere above Chess and somewhere below Paper Sailboat races.  But you know what can make baseball interesting?  Live flying monster beasts blazing out of the sky granting wishes to the home team.

Well guess what happened Easter Sunday, sports fans.  Exactly that.

Some said it was a red-tailed hawk, some said it was a peregrine falcon that fired down from the roof of Miller Park during the Brewers game.  The bird-creature took a chomp on a pigeon on the way down, most likely just for the hell of it, then landed on the grass about 50 feet from the right fielder.

And there it sat with the kind of couldn't-give-a-good-god-damn attitude that bordered on James-Dean-after-a-blunt levels.  Excessive hyphens?  You bet I just did that.

He sat there throughout a three run Milwaukee rally with celebratory fireworks, looking bored by the whole thing.  Then it decided Milwaukee was unworthy of its luck-bringing demon powers and took off, presumably to go place a few bets at the track and bang some super models.

If you could guarantee that the magic luck bird would show up to sporting events, I'd actually watch games.  If that ornithic beast were a Pokemon, it would be a Chansey and a Moltres combined, and you wouldn't be able to catch it because it would eat your pokeballs and poop out nightmares.

Perhaps one day the bird shall return and fulfill the prophecy.  You know the one I'm talking about.  Yeah, that prophecy.

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