Oh Come On, Youtube!

If you have an account with Youtube, you've probably noticed that there are recommended videos on your home page when you log on. Evidently, these videos are selected for you based on your viewing history, your favorites, your ratings, etc.

So today I saw this in my recommended videos section:

I've watched thousands, literally thousands, of videos on Youtube. I can't recall a single one that would make youtube think I would want to watch lions bumping uglies. I mean I've never watched a Lil Wayne video either (nor, God willing, will I ever), but at least I could understand how that would slip in. I've watched a lot of music videos, so it's not that far off.

But the video that would make Youtube recommend I watch this horizontal jungle boogie eludes my memory. Maybe I've been drunk Youtube-ing again...

WTF is Going On? 4th Edition

I was in the car today and I heard a commercial for the new movie Sorority Row. It sounds like the typical teen horror/slasher flick, nothing special. But that wasn't my problem with the commercial.

My issue with the ad came at the end when the announcer claimed that the film was rated R for "Some sexuality, nudity, and party".

Party? What? You can't rate something obscene for "Party". What the hell does that even mean? Is it supposed to be a euphamism for drugs or drinking?

Party is a pretty general term. I mean is this party like a four-year old's birthday at Chuck E. Cheese's or is it a party where people are wearing masks, throwing their keys in a jar, and snorting crack off someone's junk?

So long as we're using generalities in our rating system, why not rate a movie R for Eating. It could mean someone is enjoying a BLT in the film, or it could mean two girls are eating each other's poop.

Eventually no one under 17 will be allowed to see any movie ever. Disney/Pixar's new family film? Rated R. A Dora the Explorer movie? R. A flick featuring The Wiggles? We'll give that one an NC-17.

WTF is Going on? 3rd edition

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, there was Jaws 2. So perhaps you considered moving as far away from fish as possible, like the Sahara desert. Bad news, fellow fish-haters.

NBC reports that the sandfish, a small critter that lives in the Sahara desert, is able to swim through the sand by undulating it's body.

Hehe, undulating bodies.

Now the sandfish is not technically a fish, but a small lizard about four inches long. Yeah right. The vampire fish isn't technically a vampire, but it will still try to bite your neck and suck the essence from your body.

Darwin needs to be stopped. Fish belong in the water, camels belong in the sand, and cows belong on my plate. Evolution is out of control! WTF?

WTF is Going on? 2nd edition

I was surfing the intarwebz when I noticed an advertisement on the side of my page that dripped of wtf-iness. A picture of what I could only describe as a vampire fish caused me to turn my gaze faster than Perez Hilton's face after connecting with a crazed roadie's fist.

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Turns out, the fish is actually called a "vampire fish", and is featured on National Geographic's new show Hooked.

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Vampirism has become particularly fashionable after the recent popularity of Twilight and HBO's True Blood, among others. But now there is officially no safe place to hide from vampires. On land, Dracula; in the air, vampire bats; now in the water, vampire fish!

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I realize this is the second post in a row dealing with scary fish. I think the main idea that I want to convey is that a war between man and fish is coming. And with 70% of Earth covered in water, which is bound to increase with global warming, we are at a disadvantage.

The age of fish is coming if we don't act soon. In the prophetic words from the musical Hair, "This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius".

WTF is Going On? 1st edition

In news that makes even scientists say "wtf?", National Geographic News reports that the star known as Betelgeuse has been shrinking in size. Scientists currently have no explanation for this. They also have no explanation for what happens when you say the name of the star 3 times.

Astronomers observed an unusual red spot on the star three years ago. Some believe that this spot has to do with Betelgeuse's stellar shrinkage.

I think it's pretty obvious what happened here. Betelgeuse got intimate with the misnamed constellation Virgo, actually the whore of the zodiac, and caught a severe case of cosmic herpes.

At only 8.5 million years old, the star is young in comparison to our 4.5 billion year old sun. Some scientists speculate that the star may be ready to explode, which may seem premature considering the star's relative youth, but I'd like to see you last 8.5 million years.